What's on the outside does matter...

...when there's hurt, and anger, bitterness, sadness, or depression on the inside.

I'm not talking about beauty. The cliche saying, "It doesn't matter what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that matters." or "You're beautiful on the inside, so it doesn't matter how you look." No, no, I'm not talking about that. That's a subject for another time.

What I'm talking about is the emotions on the inside. I've blogged about invisible illnesses before, and I could talk about them all day. People come up to me all the time and say, "You look so good! I'm glad you're feeling better!", when really, I just feel angry and bitter on the inside. I'm hurting, and I'm sad. But how could I answer everyone honestly? I can't be negative all the time, how on earth is that going to help me? Or anyone else?

But how are people to know how I'm really feeling? There are times when I would be at the ER, or admitted to the hospital, and people would say, "I didn't even know you had been feeling bad!". Well, that's the problem with invisible illnesses. You can't see them, and most likely the person who has it isn't going to show you. We don't want to ask for help. We don't want pity, or sympathy. We just want to be normal. More than anything in the world.

I miss living. I miss school. I miss my friends. I miss the sunshine. I miss getting bad grades. I miss having noisy neighbors in the dorm. I miss the dorm. I miss my life.

Basically what I'm trying to say is this: I've learned that what's on the outside does matter. You never know what kind of battle somebody is dealing with on the inside. Don't expect someone to be happy just because they have a smile on their face. Be compassionate, be considerate, and always remember to love everyone.

Peace & love,
Jenae